WHAT SHOULD WE DO??
Lately, Michelle and I have had several discussions. Questions that I thought we settled months ago were starting to rear their ugly heads again. Questions such as:
- Should we consider moving back to the United States?
- Should we consider moving somewhere else?
- What is God’s Will for Michelle and I?
I know for me these questions started on January 7th, and intensified over the next few weeks. It wasn’t so much that date that’s important. Rather, it’s the event that happened on that day. Let me explain.
That morning I was on my scooter, driving to 7-Eleven to get some things we needed. I was happily driving along without a care in the world when I needed to make a left turn at an intersection I was approaching. It was textbook maneuvering! I did everything right. I was going the correct speed. I had my left turn signal on and was exactly in the part of my lane that should have indicated to everyone that I intended to make the left turn. However, things are different here in Cambodia. In Cambodia, lanes mean nothing. Turn signals mean nothing. If there is a way for either a car or scooter to get around you, they’ll do their best to try. And on this day, a scooter did just that! It tried to pass me on my left side – just as I started my left turn…and proceeded to SMACK into the back left side of my scooter.
I immediately felt the impact but didn’t yet know what was happening. The next thing I knew, something hard struck me on my back and my left leg. I found myself lying on the ground on my back with my scooter a few feet ahead of me. I was stunned! It took me a few seconds to work out that I’d been hit by another scooter, and I was laying in the opposite lane with oncoming traffic that was stopped because of the accident they just witnessed. On my left was another scooter laying on the ground, with the rider laying next to it.
I think I was in shock, but I realized I was able to get up. I didn’t feel any pain at all. That would come later! I didn’t have any broken bones and wasn’t bleeding (except for a brush burn on my right knee). I turned to the other rider and asked if they were okay. I didn’t receive a reply, but they were also getting up so I knew they weren’t seriously injured. (Later I realized it was probably because she didn’t understand me that she didn’t respond whether she was okay or not).
The next thing I became aware of was that a Cambodian man was walking towards my scooter and he began motioning for me to get off the street and walk into the parking lot. He then proceeded to pick my scooter up and push it over to me. He didn’t speak any English though.
Someone had also helped push the other scooter to the other side of the road and I could see the driver, along with a few local Cambodians speaking to each other. I had no idea what they were saying, or what was going to happen. This happened to be my first ever accident in a foreign country and it dawned on me quickly that I didn’t know what to do.
As I stood there, I wondered if the police would come. I also wondered what the people across the street were talking about. Would they try to say the accident was my fault? I really had no idea! I waited to see what would happen next.
Just about that time, a food delivery driver on a scooter pulled up to me and asked me (in English) what happened. This person spoke fluent English so after explaining what happened to him, I asked if the police would come and what would happen next. He said he would go over and speak with the other party to translate what I had said. He seemed genuinely interested in helping me and I had no choice but to trust him.
As I waited for him to come back, I called Michelle and told her about the accident, that I was alright, but wasn’t sure when I’d be able to come home because I didn’t know yet what was happening.
To make this long story shorter, I’ll spare you the rest of the details except to say that everyone was nice to me and the other driver said she wanted to apologize to me. Our scooters only had minor damage and neither of us needed to go to the hospital, so we went our separate ways because, that’s how it’s done here! There’s never any road rage even though there are accidents regularly. If both drivers and scooters are able to keep going, they do. And everyone gets on with their day!
But for me, it started me pondering about many things. Like, I really don’t know what I’d have done if that food delivery driver hadn’t stopped to help me! I couldn’t speak their language and it was the first time since being overseas that I really felt so vulnerable and powerless because of the situation I was in. As I stood there in that parking lot of the 7-Eleven waiting to see what would happen that day, I had thoughts such , “Will I be going to jail for this because I can’t explain what happened?” “What if the other driver claims it was my fault and she has injuries? Will I need to pay for that?” “What would have happened if I’d been really injured and needed a hospital? Would I even know where to go?”
And that led me down a rabbit hole for the next few weeks, which caused anxious thoughts and emotions to rule! I had doubts about whether what we were doing was right. Was moving to Cambodia a mistake? Was it wrong for us to leave our home in America? Should we continue to stay here, or…
Should we just move back to the United States where I know how things work and what to expect in almost every situation? We have enough with our savings and our retirement that we could probably make it work in America. Sure, we’d have to cut back on some things we’ve gotten used to, and by that I mean we would need to once again watch every dollar we spend in order to live in the US without going into debt because of the high prices back there. It would probably mean getting a part time job to make ends meet. It likely would end our ability to travel whenever and wherever we want. It would mean settling down in one place – for good.
But is that what we really want?
I was thinking about that very thing during the 2nd massage Michelle and I were getting last week. You see, here in Cambodia, a 90 minute massage costs $12.00, so it’s not uncommon for us to indulge regularly. (In fact, we had another additional massage even since I started writing this blog a few days ago). We live in a beautiful and modern, western style house with a pool, a gardener, and a pool man for about 30% of what it would cost anywhere in the U.S. We go out to eat at least once a day. We can either take a tuk tuk ride from one end of the city for around $2 – $3, or we can ride our scooter which costs us about $5.00 per month for gas! Speaking of the scooter, an oil change for it costs a grand total of $5.50 at the Honda dealer. Local garages will do it for 2 – 3 dollars. The damage I received in my accident required 2 plastic panels to be replaced. In the US, these 2 panels would have cost around $250.00. Here, it costs $82.00 and that included the labor to install them (at the Honda dealer). My scooter looks as good as new!
But the cheap prices are only one element to consider. The quality of life here is exceptional! We have our favorite restaurants, coffee shops, and know where everything is in the grocery stores. There are movie theaters here that rival any back in the US, and we can see the latest movies in English. (They cost $3 by the way!). The people here are wonderful! I described how I was helped by the food delivery driver during my accident, and that’s just one example of how these people go out of their way to help us. It’s true we don’t yet feel connected to the community overall because of the language barrier and cultural differences. But after giving this lots of thought, I’m not really sure we ever felt totally connected to the community even back in the US! Also, as introverts, we tend to “stick to ourselves”, which doesn’t foster a lot of outside relationships. This is our fault and we’ve decided we need to work on that. Most recently we joined a group of people who regularly go for runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Through that we’ve met people from France, Germany, Australia, and a few local Cambodians. After our run along the river, we all meet back at a restaurant owned by one of the local Cambodians in our group and have drinks and talk and cool down for about 30 minutes before we all go about our day. It’s really nice to have that interaction with people, and they all seem very nice!
On top of that, we feel extremely safe here and can go out at night and walk around without ever fearing that we’ll be assaulted or robbed. The people here are honest, and genuinely nice. The kids wave, smile and say hello to us in English as they pass by because they’re excited to try out their English words and it’s a novelty for them to see white people in their neighborhood.
We’ve never had anything less than stellar customer service no matter whether it’s a restaurant, bank, grocery store, shop, bakery, etc. Nobody has ever been rude to us or acted like we were bothering them whenever we’ve come into their place of business, because they are thankful to have the business, and they will go out of their way to assist you any way they can. I’m not sure I can say that about America anymore. I’m also not sure we could adjust back to that if we ever decided to move home.
THE DISCUSSION
So, full disclosure…the old saying, “the grass ‘seems’ greener on the other side” is alive and well, even for Michelle and I. Whenever things get hectic, or something happens (like a scooter accident) that reminds us that some things are easier to deal with back in America simply because we know how everything works there, it triggers that recurring thought, “Perhaps we could move back, buy a small house in a little neighborhood, and live happily ever after. Maybe the grass is greener there?”
At first, that idea seems great. There are definite advantages. But each time we have this discussion, we also realize that there are disadvantages as well. Like we’d have to buy a car, which means we’d have to get car insurance and pay personal property taxes, and pay registration costs and gasoline for the car. I’d have to buy a lawnmower, or pay for someone to mow my yard, not to mention maintenance and repairs on the house (and car) if anything breaks. We’d have to limit eating out, and we’d never get a massage unless for a special occasion. We wouldn’t be able to travel because our money would all be going to simply “living”. It would probably kill us now to see the prices in the grocery stores back in the U.S.! It’s almost certain that our little “nest egg” we’ve built up over the last 5 years would probably deplete rapidly which would cause us stress. It would probably mean we’d need to get at least part time jobs. In effect, it would mean we’d no longer be “retired”. We’d be back in the rat race trying to get by. And that seems depressing!
So we decided, that’s not what we want! We love where we live now. It’s not perfect, but I’m old enough now to realize that nowhere is perfect. At least here, we can live well and live well below our income without giving out anything. We can still travel. In fact, we have some big travel adventures already planned, which include:
- A 2 month visit to Vietnam to meet up with Michelle’s parents, brother and wife.
- A 5 day motor scooter trip on the Hai Giang Loop in northern Vietnam that well be epic!
- A Trans-Pacific cruise that will start in Australia, go around New Zealand, Fiji, Tahiti and Honolulu.
- And various other places that are all within a few hours flight from where we live!
If we were to move back to America, none of this will happen. Another depressing thought!
So we’ve made the decision and we agreed not to change our minds unless life changing circumstances happen that would force us to adjust our plan. Our plan is – that we are going to stay in Cambodia for at least the next 10 years. Staying here is the right decision for us because it offers us the opportunity to live extremely well, well under our budget. Besides, we love the people and the way things are done here. Life here is so much less stressful than in America. I think for both of us, we’ve fallen in love with Cambodia and it would be hard for us to move back to America unless we had to.
And since we’ve made that decision, we’ve felt a lot of peace…and can’t wait to see what our future holds! Right now it’s looking bright!!
Have a great day everyone and safe travels!!
Hi guys, we miss you and think of you often. If you ever come back to Ec, please come stay with us, we have a guest room with your name on it and the door is always open. Your Blog really resonated with me about the Language Barrìer and emergency situation but those occurances are so far and few inbetween. We are very happy with our decision to live abroad, life is always àn adventure! 2027 will find üs touring Australia and Asia and would love to see you both 🙂
I was so worried you were going to say you’re moving back to the USA.
Wow Randy – you sure make a great case for staying, heck it even makes me want to move. Dan just retired and we are trying to figure out our next steps. However I am still working. Grateful article. Maybe we can visit someday. Stay well. Enjoy!